From an early age it seems to be instilled in most of us that we shouldn’t want. Wanting is bad, selfish and to be avoided at all costs, or so we’re told at school, at church, and by our parents and elders.
Of course it’s important to teach children that everything has a value and some things have to be deserved and earned etc, and you can understand the harassed parent having to tell their child over and over again that they can’t have everything. There’s nothing worse than trying to do your shopping whilst dragging along a spoilt brat with a bad case of the ‘I wants’, so my mother tells me…
But why do the words ‘I want’ have such a bad reputation?
My early experience of asking for what I wanted usually ended with hearing the phrases such as
‘I wants get smacked bottoms!’ or ‘I wants don’t get!’
Now, from an education standpoint you might say that this is just a way to teach children that they should ask nicely for things, but from a more negative angle, it programs us very early on, to assume that we can’t have what we want.
Most of us carry similar subconscious programming into our adult lives, so that whenever we think about buying or doing something for ourselves, that nagging voice at the back of our minds automatically leaps forwards and tells us we’re being naughty or that we shouldn’t buy, do or ask for whatever it is.
The result is, that as adults, many of us don’t know how to ask for what we want, and certainly don’t think we deserve it.
As a clairvoyant, this is a theme I come across rather a lot when giving readings, especially for mums, and women in general.
Many of us mistake self-care as being selfish, and very often fail to put ourselves first, even when we really need to, much to our own detriment. We seem to hold the mistaken belief that looking after yourself is somehow wrong, when it is actually your most important responsibility.
Looking after others is fine but how can you possibly look after anybody else if you can’t look after yourself?
I only truly began to realise this a few years ago. I was having a particularly difficult time in my life, my relationship with my partner was breaking down and I was unhappy in my job. I unloaded my problems on to a very wise friend of mine, and asked her what I should do?
I argued the point that I should be doing this, and I should be doing that in order to be a good person. I was going around in circles and I had no idea what to do.
My friend Jeanette stopped me in my tracks, by asking me the one question I had avoided.
“Never mind all that Helen, what do you actually want?”
“But that’s selfish.” I replied
“Helen, it’s your life; you’re allowed to be selfish!”
It was so obvious, and I’d completely missed the point.
This is your life, your chance to do whatever you want. There’s no need to get bogged down in other people’s agendas or to be manipulated by their wants, just remember what yours are.
If you don’t remember, why not sit down and think of some new ones. Ask yourself what you want; what will make you happy?
Then ask yourself, how do I achieve that?
Followed by what small but manageable step can I take today towards achieving my goal?
This is a wonderful way to feel positive and more empowered. You can become your own personal life coach, cheering yourself along to better things.
So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want!