The Soulmate Stigma

The Soul Mate. Ah yes, we’ve all heard of them haven’t we?

Historically this was the phrase used when referring to an intense or meaningful relationship, but what does it actually mean?

Traditionally, we have talked about finding our Soul Mate or  The One as if there were only one person out there for each of us.

Perhaps a few years ago, in times past, when people stayed married for life and divorce was frowned upon, illegal or just didn’t happen, that made sense, but in this modern age our beliefs on the subject seem to have conveniently shifted in line with our throw-away culture.

These days, you can’t seem to move for Soul Mates. According to modern day spiritual literature, we all have hundreds of soul mates who supposedly come into our lives as friends, partners, lovers etc to teach us lessons and settle karmic  “debts” that we have supposedly accrued during previous lifetimes.

The Soul Mate is no longer the ultimate relationship, oh no. These days, the holy grail is to find your elusive Twin Flame, the ultimate Soul Mate who shares your unique energy signature, the other half of your soul as it were.

Most modern teachers will tell you that the Twin Flame is a terrifying mirror of yourself – the person who is exactly like you and will bring up all your psychological issues for healing, because they have them too.

Others will say they are your exact and equal opposite, although this theory seems to be losing ground, and yet others seem stuck somewhere in the middle between the two theories.

It’s all very confusing.

Now whether any of that is true or not, I can’t say. Nobody can. But what I have noticed is that many people of a spiritual persuasion seem to get far too caught up in the whole Soul-Mate / Twin Flame drama, and what these relationships should or shouldn’t look like, and this affects their own lives as a result.

I have to admit that I’ve fallen victim to these very seductive myths in the past myself. We all want the secret keys to love and happiness don’t we?

Existing or potential partners are “ranked” based on whether they fit the soul mate or twin flame profile, rather than allowing relationships to develop naturally, and do the work to help them flourish and grow.

Sadly, I’ve also seen many people using these theories as a convenient get-out when their relationship isn’t going so well or even worse as an excuse for their own failure to deal with difficult situations and do the psychological work on themselves in order to move on and be happy.

I once even overheard a spiritual colleague say “Oh I don’t think this one is my twin flame after all, I think he’s “just” a soul mate!”

I was greatly saddened by this comment. It was as if she were using it as an excuse not to work on the relationship, not to try harder. Perhaps it was the lie she had to tell herself so that she didn’t have to admit to herself that she had picked an emotionally unavailable man because she hadn’t dealt with her own childhood issues.

The truth is that despite the many websites, authors and teachers who profess to hold all the  information you need to find and keep your  Soul Mate or Twin Flame, (at the right price of course)  none of us, yes that’s right, nobody actually knows what the whole, definitive truth is about where we come from or why we are attracted to certain people, who will make us happy and why we have the life experiences that we have.

We have little more than our own observations and conjecture based on our personal experiences, spiritual beliefs or psychological theory.

One thing I can tell you is this. As long as we are incarnated here on earth we cannot begin to understand the complexities of the universe and where our souls come from, what caused the spark of life or why life even exists at all, so why do we try to kid ourselves that we can somehow know it all when it comes to our love lives?

The one thing I have come to know for sure about all this, is that we don’t know anything for sure!

In a way, I rather like not knowing. Life would be awful if you knew everything in advance and there was only one person you could be happy with. What if you missed your chance or never found them?!

As a working psychic, I am often asked by people when they will find their soul mate, and I’ve had a fair few readings myself where I’ve been told that some person or other was or wasn’t my soul mate. I’ve been bossed around and told who I should or shouldn’t be with, and believe me, this wasn’t always very helpful!

Whilst sometimes readings can provide useful insight, the truth is that even the psychics themselves don’t have all the facts and they can’t (or shouldn’t) tell you who to choose. That always has to be up to you.

So here’s the deal. Labels don’t matter, they’re not real so don’t get hung up on them. In matters of the heart only you know what is right for you, and you should choose to do what you want, not what you think is the right thing, or what somebody else told you was the best choice.

I encourage each and every one of you to take complete responsibility for your life, to make the decisions that make you happy, and to do what you truly want. The decisions must come from your inner knowing, from your heart and represent your truth.

Work on yourself, on your issues (no hiding, we all have them!) and be the best and happiest version of you that you can be. Love freely and unconditionally as much as you can, and enjoy all that this lifetime has to offer.

Each and every one of us is a perfect and beautiful soul, worthy of unconditional love. Each one of us is a piece of the divine, a piece of God, and should be honoured and treated as the beautiful and precious spiritual being that we are.

We can sit & work out who was or wasn’t our “soul mate” or “twin flame” when we finally ascend and get to heaven. Although to be honest, I think I’ll have better things to do.

(Somebody save me a spot next to the champagne fountain!)

For now it really doesn’t matter who is, who isn’t or who might be twin flame, soul mate or anything else in between.

Let’s just Live … and Love.